I have a headache, one of which can only suffice to an extreme amount of mental strain and subconscious-driven- information overload! For most of the time I feel as though my body and my subconscious does not realise the difference between what's reality and what's a dream!!
It's important for me to constantly find a balance in every aspect of my life- whether it be a composition of a picture; the input into a conversation between myself and my partner or simply to put an even amount of water into two separate glasses. Everything must be balanced. However lately; after focusing on every single aspect in my life, I find it difficult to find that balance. Just Simply.
Lately; to be able to focus on an problem, and narrow it down to the core of the issue has merely been a dream for me. Ever since I deferred my studies, I feel like I've deferred my intelligence as well--and with that I've lost my ability and coherence which (in the past) assisted me to resolve these issues in life from the core and find the balance i'm forever, so desperately striving for.
The same issues are burning within me; and yet I'm failing to narrow down the source of the problem; let alone- address them. Every burning insult is just another hand reaching within me yanking and twisting on my insides; the core of me is screaming in pain. Emotionally and physically. Why?
Reflecting- im constantly crying for help, inconspicuously. Bottling my issues up and just hoping that things will just mend themselves. It's the only way i know how, its the only way i've ever dealt with things; there's always someone more important, or someone i'd rather not upset. Mature, eh?
I'm beginning to concentrate and focus on the emotional, psychological and physical sources of pain- bringing things back to the basics, so to speak. I'm devising a way to restore reality back into my life and creating positivity from the core- not just on the surface.
I need to locate the source, the core of the pain and the real meaning of the issue. Release the pain from the source and with that; release the forgiveness and repore. Accept what it was and what it is now; and as a result- freedom will come in return. Slowly, dreams and realities will become two definitive things and work together to create happiness as allies, not enemies.
(this passage has more coherence in my head; sorry for the scattiness)
